Fifty Two Years and Counting

Helen and I have recently celebrated fifty two years of marriage. It has prompted me to reflect on marriage in general and our marriage in particular. Many years ago, in 1995, we visited the then famous Crystal Cathedral in Los Angeles, where I was attending two weeks of seminars in Church Growth and Preaching.  Wandering around the campus I chanced into a back office for some forgotten purpose. My attention was drawn to a large sign on the wall. It read something like: The Top Twenty Factors to bring happiness in your Life. I will always remember the first one at the top of the list.

  “Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.”

I have subsequently discovered by the miracle of the internet, that the quotation comes from a book, P.S. I Love You by H. Jackson Brown Jnr. I can’t verify the statistics. However I do believe its general principle. Of all the crucial decisions in life, this decision is of the highest gravity.

I have repeated this saying many times in subsequent years and reflected at length on how such decisions get made.  Despite the inevitable ups and downs, of which there were many, I believe our marriage has been highly fruitful and successful. We have supported each other through the ebbs and flows of life. Yet we made this decision when we were incredibly young and with much growing and maturing to do. I was two months over twenty three and Helen was a few hours off nineteen. We were at an age when we didn’t really know ourselves, and so it was almost impossible to fully reveal who we were to each other.

There are many reasons why our marriage has worked but a foundational one was that we both believed at a very deep, existential level in keeping our promises. That concept pertains to every area of life but it particularly refers to the promises made in marriage which are about as important and sacred as a promise can be. So from the very earliest discussions that we started to have about our relationship’s being permanent, we believed in the sanctity of marriage. Later, as we progressed in maturity, we both came to understand the real basis of marriage is the commitment we made to each other. I read quite a number of modern secular books about marriage and while some of them are very helpful the idea of promises and commitment is almost completely absent.

In the old Anglican 1662 prayer book service, when the man concludes his vows to his intended, he says,

and thereto I plight thee my troth.

 To ‘plight a troth’ is an archaic way of saying, to make a covenant. The word covenant is the Hebrew term that describes an agreement made between two parties and a marriage is one such agreement. The Hebrew idiom is actually to ‘cut’ a covenant. The 1662 Anglican marriage service is the one from which many protestant marriage services are derived, and is the departure point for modern, secular services. It has a robust covenantal structure, containing a promise (the vow), the swearing of an oath, a sign (the ring) and made before witnesses, (God and the congregation). I labour this point because in later years when I was preparing young couples for marriage, I specifically taught them this covenantal form. I also emphasized that they would affirm their promises with the words, “I will” rather than the popular but inadequate, “I do”. This is because the promise is for the rigours of the future. It is not merely an affirmation of what a starry eyed couple may feel today.  My reason was that it is crucially important to have a firm idea of what marriage is, rather than some vague understanding that it is a flimsy bond of love that can disappear like a transient vapour, as soon as the frantic, hormonal coupling evaporates, and real life descends.

Many years later we went to a Marriage Weekend designed to strengthen couples’ relationships. One of the exercises we were given was to draw our marriage. That was an unusual but helpful task as it made us ponder our relationship from a different perspective. We ended up drawing ourselves as trapeze artists cavorting on the high wire with a strong safety net beneath. The high wire was our life with all its thrills and spills. The strong safety net was our life-long promise to each other that we were committed to keeping.

So for those intending to marry, please choose ever so carefully. And for those on the journey, on the high wire please secure your safety net.

Dealing with Debt

Recently I was in another state and went to a new church one Sunday. It turned out that they were in the middle of their annual end-of financial-year vision series. The pastor spoke enthusiastically and gratefully about how the church family, by their generosity, had reduced debt on their building from over $6 Million to a bit over $1 Million in ten years. Good on them! This is a significant achievement. It is not the easiest issue in church life to reduce debt. So what principles come to mind when addressing this subject?

I had to grapple with this subject a couple of times in my work as senior minister of Figtree Anglican Church in Wollongong. When I arrived in 1987 the parish had a debt of over $200,000 That had been incurred to fund a new building that had been constructed a couple of years earlier. That does not seem much in today’s dollars but was a formidable amount then and was a millstone around our necks for the next seven years. Fortunately the process of raising the money and making repayments had been set in train prior to my coming and all I had to do was keep the machinery working till we finally paid it off and had a celebration party.

Over a decade later I was the one initiating and presiding over the debt process when Figtree parish embarked on a $5.5 Million building programme. The congregation gave magnificently but the building cost far exceeded our ability to complete the project debt free and a debt of around $2.6 M was incurred. When I left some years later I bequeathed this burden to my successor, Ian Barnett, who led the completion of the process of paying off the loan.

There are some pastors who feel that all debt is bad and will not embark on a project unless it can be accomplished without borrowing. Of course this is a laudable aim. However, sometimes a church may be so strangled by property concerns that to address this issue may require a building campaign and a loan as was our case at Figtree. I do not believe this sort of debt is wrong. What I would advise against very strongly, is debt for paying operating expenses, staff salaries for example. That is a slippery slope to financial shipwreck.

Another important issue is the attitude of the congregation to debt. In any family or electorate or group of people there are some who have no problem embracing debt and are quite happy to kick the can along the road into the future as far as repaying the amount is concerned. There are others who view debt as an oppressive yoke and are highly motivated to get the money monster off their backs.

With these ideas in mind, the key principle to remember is that ‘money follows vision’. Yet debt doesn’t seem very visionary. So it is extremely important to demonstrate clearly how debt fits in with the broader vision of the church. It is a great mistake to pay off the debt and hope that the loan repayments will automatically still keep coming in and can be used for future purposes. Generally parishioners will be happy church debt is paid off and may throw a party but won’t keep giving at the old rate unless there is a compelling reason to do so. Thus it is important to have the next exciting gospel oriented, life changing, vision fulfilling project, clearly before the congregation. Then you can point out how the debt is not an end in itself but the impediment to the realization of the church’s dreams. You need to be able to say, “look what we hope to do next after the debt is paid off. Look at how lives will be transformed.’

Recognizing the contrasting views about debt, I advocate having half a dozen projects to present to the congregation each year. If the church has a building debt, I would also have repayment of the debt one of the projects each year. In that way the debt can be chipped away culminating, in a final major assault when it is has assumed a digestible bite-sized chunk.

To conclude, the critical point to re-emphasize is that money follows vision. It is vitally important to show how the repayment of the debt will take a millstone off your neck so you can pursue the next exiting stage of ministry. For more on raising resources for ministry see my book Giving Generously. https://givinggenerously.com/

No Regrets: In 1987 I received the invitation to become the senior minister (Rector) of Figtree Anglican Church in Wollongong. At that time, we were living in an old Queenslander in a very good street in Brisbane very close to where we had both grown up. My wife and I had bought this property as newly-weds in 1972. It had been rented out once before to tenants who trashed it and we were reluctant to go through such an experience again. So, after much deliberation we decided to sell it. Then we consulted a financial advisor, a guru who had a column in the newspaper. We were not overly thrilled with his advice as it involved putting all our money into unlisted property trusts: all our eggs in one basket. We decided to get a second opinion and consulted another advisor who recommended the same property trusts but spread our risk with some other options. We accepted his advice.

Within weeks the 1987 stock market crash occurred: the biggest financial implosion since the great depression.  The property trusts were wiped out, our shares tanked and only the money in fixed interest survived. Subsequently residential property boomed and within twelve months we effectively went from owning a whole house without a mortgage to the equivalent of a quarter of a house. Talk about an investment lesson! To this day I feel pain whenever I drive down our old street and catch a glimpse of our former house, now beautifully renovated. Yes, I feel some regrets about a decision that was primarily mine. Helen and I had discussed the pros and cons of other options, but I had argued strongly for this course of action, and she had ultimately gone along with it.

While there were regrets with that financial decision, I am happy to say that I have never regretted any decision to be generous. Now I hurry to add that I do not hold myself up as a naturally generous person. In fact, if I am honest, I naturally fall far more at the wrong end of the generosity scale. In the last twelve months I did an ancestry DNA test. I knew that my ancestral line came from Ayrshire on the west coast of Scotland. What I discovered was that they had been there for over two thousand years! And I have other Scottish genes in me as well. Now the Scots have a reputation of being a wee careful with money. I think that natural disposition runs deeply in my DNA.

However, I have come to believe strongly that generosity is a fundamental Christian virtue. We serve a generous God who has blessed us beyond measure in Christ. So as a believer I am prompted vigorously to develop a far more generous disposition.  And yet when an appropriate giving opportunity arises, I find a bit of a tug of war arises inside me. I know I should be generous but find a curious reluctance to part with the money.

However, when I overcome that reluctance, an intriguing thing happens. I don’t regret giving. At Figtree Anglican Church, where I was leader for twenty years, we had many appeals for finances to expand the ministry of the church into the surrounding community. I knew that as the leader I often had to make a sacrificial lead. Sometimes it felt positively scary. Yet looking back I have no regrets at all. None! I don’t fantasize at all on what else I could have spent the money: holidays we could have indulged in, luxury items or shares in Tesla.  I don’t have any of the sort of sadness I sometimes feel driving down my old street and viewing my former home. Currently I attend a church with a big vision to reach out and share the gospel. This church often calls upon the members to financially support evangelism, mission, and care for the poor. And so it should. That’s why Helen and I like being part of it. And when the church has an appeal, I still feel a bit of that tug of war inside during the decision to give. But afterwards I always notice there are no regrets.

So if you are like I am and an opportunity to give to gospel mission comes your way, by all means examine the cause to see if it is the right one, but if it is, give generously. I am sure you won’t regret it. For more on generosity see my book. Giving Generously: Resourcing Local Church Ministry.

https://givinggenerously.com/

Surprised by Joy: Some years ago I read C.S. Lewis’s autobiographical work Surprised by Joy, detailing his journey from atheism to Christian faith. I discovered the title was inspired by a poem by that name written by William Wordsworth, the master of Romanticism, lamenting the fact that he experienced a moment of joy but had lost in death his daughter, so the added joy of sharing the experience could not occur.

The phrase stood out to me recently with two events that captured the attention of the nation. The first was the Melbourne Cup, the race that stops the nation. I must confess that despite coming from a family where my maternal grandfather and grandmother were avid race horse owners and racing fans and punters, any gene for being addicted to the Sport of Kings lies completely dormant in my genome. Yet I am not insensitive to the excitement and joie de vivre that the race engenders in many in our community. The newspapers always publish photographs showing the sheer joy on the faces of the owners and jockey of the successful steed.

Yet somehow all of this was transcended, and even made to seem hollow, by the sheer wave of joy that swept the entire continent of Australia when the news emerged that little four year old Cleo Smith had been found alive and well. It was the culmination of a massive search by police and volunteers that stretched over eighteen days, where the authorities threw everything at it, including a one million dollar reward and simply did not give up. Everyone from seasoned policemen, politicians, news reporters and the average man and woman in the street seemed captivated by a feeling of joy that seemed somehow purer and deeper than even the most significant sporting achievement could ever engender. I am not a particularly emotional person but I was surprised by the overwhelming sensation that this rescue engendered, the sheer joy that this dear little girl whom most had feared lost and perhaps never to be recovered, was found apparently unharmed. 

It made me reflect and empathize more deeply than I ever had before on the parable of the lost sheep. Jesus tells the short story of a man who has one hundred sheep but loses one. Rather than write this animal off as the cost of doing of doing business, the shepherd searches and searches till he triumphantly brings the stray home. Jesus concludes with the famous words,

‘I tell you that in the same way there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.’ Luke 15:7.

Jesus spells out very clearly his heart and his priorities. His followers over two millennia have adopted this mission and feel a real rejoicing when any person puts their faith in Christ. For me, it simply reinforced the thought that the real overwhelming joy that I felt when I heard about Cloe Smith is really just a pale reflection the emotion I surely feel about the saving ministry of rescuing lost people with the gospel.

I have written a book about raising resources for ministry in the local church. It is called Giving Generously. One of the points I stressed in the book is that when properly and appropriately done raising money for ministry produces great joy. The reason for this is obvious.  No one gets excited about giving to paint the parish hall or buy a better dishwasher for the church kitchen. But when the object of the ministry is real kingdom work that involves heaven rejoicing as lost sheep are found, then people will give freely and generously and will be surprised by the joy it gives them.

Buy the Book

Cultivate a Joyful Attitude of Generosity In a former article, https://givinggenerously.com/2018/07/  I looked at the fascinating book, ‘The Paradox of Generosity’ by Christian Smith and Hilary Davidson. It showed the extent to which a generous attitude to life counts towards happiness. The key is being open-hearted in general. Just one-off acts won’t cut it. The sort of one-off acts I mean are, for example, giving blood occasionally, or donating once to a forest fire  or an earthquake appeal, or occasionally supporting the Salvos.

These are great to do but according to Smith and Davidson, that sort of giving doesn’t correspond to any blessing. What is needed,  they suggested, is a character that loves generosity that values it and integrates it into your life as a whole.

One of the threads that runs through the New Testament in the bible, is a collection in the form of an offering. The believers in Jerusalem were in famine and the Apostle Paul, who was always concerned for the poor, was gathering together a sum of money to help with famine relief. Now there is a special appeal in the second letter to the Corinthians.

Paul says (and I paraphrase), ‘take up an offering. Get it ready. When I come I want you to hand it over freely and willingly. I don’t want to have to twist your arm. I don’t want to see you groaning. I don’t want to have to hold a gun to your head’. Paul wants it to be a generous gift not a grudging gift.

Notice the two contrasting Gs:  Generous not Grudging.

Here is food for thought and action. Check your heart when there are appeals at church. Never get cranky with ministers for asking. Putting the needs before us is part of their job. You can decide whether you support this appeal or that appeal, but remember it’s good to give and it’s good for ministers to give you the opportunity to give.

St Paul further says

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.  Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. (2 Cur 9:6-7)

 He talks  about sowing and reaping. You get out what you put in. This is precisely the same concept which Jesus spoke about. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:38

They are pretty dumb farmers who complain about a miserable harvest when they hadn’t planted anything!

But Paul emphasizes, ‘not reluctantly or under compulsion’ No one should squeeze your arm. No one should manipulate you. No one should put pressure on you. My wife Helen received a call from a fund raiser that included,

‘Please Helen, Please. We desperately need your help’. Maybe this was an over enthusiastic volunteer but Helen certainly felt manipulated.

I used to say to my congregation in Wollongong,’ if you feel manipulated, don’t give. I want you to give because you love Jesus and you love people and you want to see the message of the gospel going out and transforming people’s lives. That’s the reason to give, not because I am some clever salesman’.

On one occasion I was visitor at a church on the day they were having a special appeal for their new building. They took up the special offering. Then after a couple of songs they took up the regular offering: two offerings in a row.

Then, just as the service was about to close, the senior minister said, ‘I know you have been very generous but as you know once a month we take up a special offering to support our missionaries overseas.  That time of the month just happens to be today. And if we skip our offering they will be in a very hard way, They depend on us’. So the church took up a third offering and no one seemed to blink. They gave again, not grudgingly but freely. Now that’s a generous church with a generous attitude!

For more on resourcing church ministry with the right attitude see my book, Giving Generosly.

In 2014 my wife Helen and I did a trip to England and one of the places we visited was Glastonbury. No we were not there for the famous rock festival. We wanted to check out the church of St John the Baptist dating from the 15th century and where Helen’s great-great grandparents were married in 1854. Close by were the ruins of the famous Glastonbury monastery. As we drove out of town we passed the spectacular green conical hill of Glastonbury Tor, adorned by a medieval tower. The tor is a geographical feature, 158 metres in height, that that shows evidence of Neolithic human activity and legend associates it with King Arthur.

As interesting as all these were to a person of antiquarian tendencies, it was the sign that said ‘Tithe Barn’ on the road driving east that grabbed my attention. So turning off past the aptly named Abbot Way, we found the medieval structure.

At that time I was in the process of writing my book ‘Giving Generously’ and I knew I would have to tackle the topic of tithing at some stage. I was not particularly looking forward to writing a tithing chapter for a number of reasons. First I knew the topic was controversial, with passionate defenders and detractors. Secondly I had preached on the topic over a number of years and thought I had a reasonable understanding of the issue. However I was somewhat nervous that in undergoing the more in-depth analysis that a book would demand might reveal gaping flaws in my original understanding, invalidating my previous sermons: an embarrassment at the very least. So anything about tithing, particularly if it was unusual or obscure, grabbed my attention.

I discovered that this barn at the village of Pilton is one of four surviving tithe barns whose tithes of agricultural produce serviced Glastonbury Abbey. It had suffered fire damage in the 1960s and was recently restored with the aid of a heritage grant. The abbots of Glastonbury ceased receiving the tithe in 1539 when the monastery was dissolved  and the last abbot, the 78 year old Richard Whiting, was gruesomely hung, drawn and quartered on Glastonbury Tor.

Now in my book I do not advocate the imposition by the secular authorities of a mandatory tithe on all the citizens. However my research did mellow me a little as I gained a new perspective.

As the Christian faith spread across Europe in the first millennium, kings such as Athelstan in England, who took their faith seriously looked for models on which to base their kingship. They found it scriptures such as 1 and 2 Kings in the Old Testament. They also were keen to banish pagan religion from their realm and encourage and support a strong church with monasteries that would be centres of learning, alms giving, prayer and evangelism. They made laws mandating the tithe to support these institutions. Now history teaches that many monasteries became lax, corrupt, and centres of privilege making them easy targets for Henry VIII’s rapacious dissolution. Glastonbury at least under the pious Richard Whiting was not one of them.

So pondering tithe barns I can see some interesting sermon illustrations emerging, but I can’t see the tithe barn or any twenty first century incarnation making a comeback and wouldn’t want to see a return to a state mandated tithe. The downsides are too great. However I do want to acknowledge the impulse that lay behind them; the desire of a ruler who loved God, supported the church and wanted to assist it with its kingdom work by providing the financial resources to equip it. Would that our secular leaders today be moved by the same desire.

On a personal note, I sent the picture to my family.  One of my sons noticed, in the right of the image, a man rolling a beer keg into the barn. Suddenly the idea gained a little more traction but not for reasons of theology!!!!