Fifty Two Years and Counting

Helen and I have recently celebrated fifty two years of marriage. It has prompted me to reflect on marriage in general and our marriage in particular. Many years ago, in 1995, we visited the then famous Crystal Cathedral in Los Angeles, where I was attending two weeks of seminars in Church Growth and Preaching.  Wandering around the campus I chanced into a back office for some forgotten purpose. My attention was drawn to a large sign on the wall. It read something like: The Top Twenty Factors to bring happiness in your Life. I will always remember the first one at the top of the list.

  “Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.”

I have subsequently discovered by the miracle of the internet, that the quotation comes from a book, P.S. I Love You by H. Jackson Brown Jnr. I can’t verify the statistics. However I do believe its general principle. Of all the crucial decisions in life, this decision is of the highest gravity.

I have repeated this saying many times in subsequent years and reflected at length on how such decisions get made.  Despite the inevitable ups and downs, of which there were many, I believe our marriage has been highly fruitful and successful. We have supported each other through the ebbs and flows of life. Yet we made this decision when we were incredibly young and with much growing and maturing to do. I was two months over twenty three and Helen was a few hours off nineteen. We were at an age when we didn’t really know ourselves, and so it was almost impossible to fully reveal who we were to each other.

There are many reasons why our marriage has worked but a foundational one was that we both believed at a very deep, existential level in keeping our promises. That concept pertains to every area of life but it particularly refers to the promises made in marriage which are about as important and sacred as a promise can be. So from the very earliest discussions that we started to have about our relationship’s being permanent, we believed in the sanctity of marriage. Later, as we progressed in maturity, we both came to understand the real basis of marriage is the commitment we made to each other. I read quite a number of modern secular books about marriage and while some of them are very helpful the idea of promises and commitment is almost completely absent.

In the old Anglican 1662 prayer book service, when the man concludes his vows to his intended, he says,

and thereto I plight thee my troth.

 To ‘plight a troth’ is an archaic way of saying, to make a covenant. The word covenant is the Hebrew term that describes an agreement made between two parties and a marriage is one such agreement. The Hebrew idiom is actually to ‘cut’ a covenant. The 1662 Anglican marriage service is the one from which many protestant marriage services are derived, and is the departure point for modern, secular services. It has a robust covenantal structure, containing a promise (the vow), the swearing of an oath, a sign (the ring) and made before witnesses, (God and the congregation). I labour this point because in later years when I was preparing young couples for marriage, I specifically taught them this covenantal form. I also emphasized that they would affirm their promises with the words, “I will” rather than the popular but inadequate, “I do”. This is because the promise is for the rigours of the future. It is not merely an affirmation of what a starry eyed couple may feel today.  My reason was that it is crucially important to have a firm idea of what marriage is, rather than some vague understanding that it is a flimsy bond of love that can disappear like a transient vapour, as soon as the frantic, hormonal coupling evaporates, and real life descends.

Many years later we went to a Marriage Weekend designed to strengthen couples’ relationships. One of the exercises we were given was to draw our marriage. That was an unusual but helpful task as it made us ponder our relationship from a different perspective. We ended up drawing ourselves as trapeze artists cavorting on the high wire with a strong safety net beneath. The high wire was our life with all its thrills and spills. The strong safety net was our life-long promise to each other that we were committed to keeping.

So for those intending to marry, please choose ever so carefully. And for those on the journey, on the high wire please secure your safety net.

Midyear Appeal.

A church that my wife and I attend is having its annual midyear appeal. Yes we are asked for money. If fact the congregation was asked for an eye watering amount of $1.7 million. But as far as I know people do not seem to be aggravated, offended or annoyed. In fact there is a sense of excitement and  joy and positive emotion. What is going on?  I have been teaching on giving and generosity for nearly twenty years. I know it is a topic that exercises the minds of most ministers on a very regular basis. However, it is also a topic that can make some church leaders very edgy. The reason is that they do not want to manipulate their congregation or they do not see how to raise resources without embarrassment or antagonism.

So why were we happy to be asked to give to this appeal?

The first reason is that we basically trust the church leadership. We have known the senior minister and many of the senior staff for many years and firmly believe they are honest people who will act honourably and responsibly. This is huge. People will not give if they do not trust those asking.

Second, the church has an excellent track record. When they have asked for money before,  we are confident that it has used for the purposes stated.

Third, I am actually asked to give and give generously. There is no’ um’ ing and ‘ah’ ing around or hanging the head with a nervous embarrassment. It is clearly stated that, we are asking this year for $1-7 million dollars. Will you give generous towards the appeal? The simple fact is that if you want to raise money for ministry you have to ask and ask confidently.

Fourth, while we are asked confidently, the appeal is also transparent. We never get the feeling we are being tricked, coerced or manipulated.

Fifth, there is a spread of projects areas.  All the money will go to some form of ministry to further the outreach of the church. Some will go to support the church’s very impressive overseas mission work on which we are regularly updated. Some will go help the poor and refugees in our own community. Some will go to further the church’s counselling centre ministering to the church and community. Some will go to plant more churches in a roughly half an hour radius of mother church. There is a project in there that will stir the heart of almost every one.

Sixth, the message is communicated clearly and vibrantly and passionately. There is a month of messages where the themes of the appeal are repeated. But there are also testimonies from people who have had their lives changed  as a result of former appeals. Further, each week we are shown a different video highlighting work overseas or on other church campuses. These are powerful, well produced and engaging.

Seventh, the senior minister gave a lead in giving. It is a clear indication he has skin in the game as he asks us to play our part.

Finally, while most of the projects have some sort of social care element , they are all undergirded by a genuine desire to have people come to know Jesus as Lord of their lives and be transformed by His work and His love. This spiritual gospel dimension is not some sort of veneer on a social cake but informs every aspect of what the church does and what this appeal seeks to achieve.

So as we reflected on this experience this is why my wife and I are happy to give and we believe the vast majority of others feel the same. I don’t know what the results are as yet but even in challenging financial times we expect them to be good. We also expect to be asked on future occasions and we are totally fine with that.

For more on raising money for ministry, see my book Giving Generously : Resourcing Local Church Ministry. Buy The Book

No Regrets: In 1987 I received the invitation to become the senior minister (Rector) of Figtree Anglican Church in Wollongong. At that time, we were living in an old Queenslander in a very good street in Brisbane very close to where we had both grown up. My wife and I had bought this property as newly-weds in 1972. It had been rented out once before to tenants who trashed it and we were reluctant to go through such an experience again. So, after much deliberation we decided to sell it. Then we consulted a financial advisor, a guru who had a column in the newspaper. We were not overly thrilled with his advice as it involved putting all our money into unlisted property trusts: all our eggs in one basket. We decided to get a second opinion and consulted another advisor who recommended the same property trusts but spread our risk with some other options. We accepted his advice.

Within weeks the 1987 stock market crash occurred: the biggest financial implosion since the great depression.  The property trusts were wiped out, our shares tanked and only the money in fixed interest survived. Subsequently residential property boomed and within twelve months we effectively went from owning a whole house without a mortgage to the equivalent of a quarter of a house. Talk about an investment lesson! To this day I feel pain whenever I drive down our old street and catch a glimpse of our former house, now beautifully renovated. Yes, I feel some regrets about a decision that was primarily mine. Helen and I had discussed the pros and cons of other options, but I had argued strongly for this course of action, and she had ultimately gone along with it.

While there were regrets with that financial decision, I am happy to say that I have never regretted any decision to be generous. Now I hurry to add that I do not hold myself up as a naturally generous person. In fact, if I am honest, I naturally fall far more at the wrong end of the generosity scale. In the last twelve months I did an ancestry DNA test. I knew that my ancestral line came from Ayrshire on the west coast of Scotland. What I discovered was that they had been there for over two thousand years! And I have other Scottish genes in me as well. Now the Scots have a reputation of being a wee careful with money. I think that natural disposition runs deeply in my DNA.

However, I have come to believe strongly that generosity is a fundamental Christian virtue. We serve a generous God who has blessed us beyond measure in Christ. So as a believer I am prompted vigorously to develop a far more generous disposition.  And yet when an appropriate giving opportunity arises, I find a bit of a tug of war arises inside me. I know I should be generous but find a curious reluctance to part with the money.

However, when I overcome that reluctance, an intriguing thing happens. I don’t regret giving. At Figtree Anglican Church, where I was leader for twenty years, we had many appeals for finances to expand the ministry of the church into the surrounding community. I knew that as the leader I often had to make a sacrificial lead. Sometimes it felt positively scary. Yet looking back I have no regrets at all. None! I don’t fantasize at all on what else I could have spent the money: holidays we could have indulged in, luxury items or shares in Tesla.  I don’t have any of the sort of sadness I sometimes feel driving down my old street and viewing my former home. Currently I attend a church with a big vision to reach out and share the gospel. This church often calls upon the members to financially support evangelism, mission, and care for the poor. And so it should. That’s why Helen and I like being part of it. And when the church has an appeal, I still feel a bit of that tug of war inside during the decision to give. But afterwards I always notice there are no regrets.

So if you are like I am and an opportunity to give to gospel mission comes your way, by all means examine the cause to see if it is the right one, but if it is, give generously. I am sure you won’t regret it. For more on generosity see my book. Giving Generously: Resourcing Local Church Ministry.

https://givinggenerously.com/

 Love

One key feature in raising resources for ministry is to celebrate an annual Commitment Day. This is the time where the minister askes the congregation to do two things. First to make a financial pledge indicating how much the person will give to the church in the next year. This is often expressed as a weekly amount. Second, the congregation is also asked to make a one-off gift to the church for some special project. Normally there are several different projects proposed as people will support what touches their heart.

Then in the lead up to Commitment Day the mister preaches a five- or six-week Commitment Series of messages.  This series is designed to strengthen the faith of the congregation. Raising money is a by-product. If the minister approaches the series as a money-making exercise, it is likely to fail. However, if the aim is to raise Christian maturity and increase generosity as a part of that goal, the congregation is far more likely to be uplifted and respond with joy.

When I started to learn about this process, I listened to some well-known ministers from overseas preach such a series. I always wondered if I could plan my own. As it turned out it was not too difficult because the bible is absolutely brimming with passages and topics that raise faith and encourage generosity. As I am now retired, I don’t deliver such series anymore. The person to do this is properly the senior minister and the messages normally shouldn’t be outsourced. However, such series still occur to me. Recently on a walk I suddenly thought that a wonderful set of messages could be constructed on the theme of love, that would be extremely profitable to the spiritual life of the congregation.

Here are some possibilities.

1 Love God: the first great commandment.

Jesus replied: “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment. Matt 22:37-38.

2 Love your neighbour: the second great commandment.

‘And the second is like it, you shall love your neighbour as yourself.’ Matt 22:39

Personally, I would avoid the desire to conflate these two sermons into one but rather tease out the implications in two messages.

3 God loves the world

‘For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

This is the best known and best loved verse in the bible and brings the love of God as seen in the death of Christ into focus. Any series of sermons on love must centre on the death of Jesus.

4 Love your marriage partner

‘Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her’.  Eph 5:25

This message allows the preacher to address love in marriage. It is appropriate in the present me-too climate to focus particularly on the husband’s responsibility. The scripture also links such love to the atonement so grounding the message in theological depth.

5 Love your enemies

‘But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.’ Matt 5:44

I would certainly include this theme as it is so distinctively Christian. Jesus points out that anyone can love their mates but to love your enemies is something else altogether.

6 Love money: Not!

‘For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.’ 1Tim 6:10

In each commitment series I try to include one message on generosity and the right use of money. I have included a sample sermon on the ideas contained here and embedded later in 1Tim 6:17-10 in my book Giving Generously, https://givinggenerously.com/ ,which I commend to you.

7 Love is the Greatest

To conclude the series, I would preach on the wonderful chapter, 1 Cor 13, which will surely sum up everything any preacher wants to say.

This grouping is a little unusual as I have proposed seven messages rather than five or six. This is simply because there are so many wonderful ways to approach this subject. Thus, I am acutely aware that there are many other ‘love’ themes that could be considered and perhaps form the basis for

God is love text on beach and wave

a further series. I commend these to you as starts for your own deliberations.

Cheerful Giving 

For the follower of Jesus generosity is not a burden that is laid on an unwilling follower. The attitude can never be, ‘I am a Christian now and while it is a pain I find I must be generous’. Generosity is not something to be adopted through gritted teeth. Generosity is a virtue to be pursued joyously.

It would be better to tell people ‘don’t give’ if they can’t contribute with open hearts. The bible is quite consistent in teaching that giving must never be grudging, never be like squeezing the last drop out of an unwilling lemon.

In preparing the people for life in the Promised Land, Moses commanded ungrudging generosity and open heartedness in caring for the needy.

Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the LORD your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to. Deut 15:10

 The apostle Paul takes up the same idea as he urges the Corinthians to complete preparations to give generously for the collection to the Jerusalem church.

So I thought it necessary to urge the brothers to visit you in advance and finish the arrangements for the generous gift you had promised. Then it will be ready as a generous gift, not as one grudgingly given. 2 Cor 9:5

Effectively, the apostle is saying, ‘Please don’t make me hassle you for this. I certainly don’t want to be badgering you because I want you to give with a happy heart.’

 Two verses later he writes:

Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.2 Cor 9:6

The word ‘cheerful’ is the Greek word hilaros, from which comes our English word ‘hilarious’. This derivation should not be pressed too far as there is not a one to one correlation in the meaning of hilaros and hilarious^[i]. However I have always had fun imagining a collection being taken up in church and a chorus of voices crying out, ‘Pass the plate around again, we are having such a good time’. That would be an exhilarating^[ii] experience. Perhaps I am dreaming but if believers absorbed the attitude of the bible, maybe it is not such a far-fetched idea.

All this merely reinforces the idea that Christians should never be embarrassed to encourage generosity. In fact just as Paul desires our love, faith, speech and knowledge to grow and increase, he also wants us to excel in generosity.

But just as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us, see that you also excel in this grace of giving. 2 Cor 8:7

 It is not as if faith and love are the supremely important character virtues and we can limp along with a little bit of generosity. Excelling means we need to strive to be as generous as we can possibly be. This again underlines the fact that preachers should not be reluctant to speak on generosity .Not only should the topic be addressed, it should also be urged as a virtue to be pursued.

For further ideas about Generosity see my book : Giving Generously, Resourcing Local Church Ministry https://givinggenerously.com/

Paul Barnett, The Second Epistle to the Corinthians, (Wm.B.Eerdmans1997), p438, n14 notes that exhilarating is derived from hilaros.

Surprised by Joy: Some years ago I read C.S. Lewis’s autobiographical work Surprised by Joy, detailing his journey from atheism to Christian faith. I discovered the title was inspired by a poem by that name written by William Wordsworth, the master of Romanticism, lamenting the fact that he experienced a moment of joy but had lost in death his daughter, so the added joy of sharing the experience could not occur.

The phrase stood out to me recently with two events that captured the attention of the nation. The first was the Melbourne Cup, the race that stops the nation. I must confess that despite coming from a family where my maternal grandfather and grandmother were avid race horse owners and racing fans and punters, any gene for being addicted to the Sport of Kings lies completely dormant in my genome. Yet I am not insensitive to the excitement and joie de vivre that the race engenders in many in our community. The newspapers always publish photographs showing the sheer joy on the faces of the owners and jockey of the successful steed.

Yet somehow all of this was transcended, and even made to seem hollow, by the sheer wave of joy that swept the entire continent of Australia when the news emerged that little four year old Cleo Smith had been found alive and well. It was the culmination of a massive search by police and volunteers that stretched over eighteen days, where the authorities threw everything at it, including a one million dollar reward and simply did not give up. Everyone from seasoned policemen, politicians, news reporters and the average man and woman in the street seemed captivated by a feeling of joy that seemed somehow purer and deeper than even the most significant sporting achievement could ever engender. I am not a particularly emotional person but I was surprised by the overwhelming sensation that this rescue engendered, the sheer joy that this dear little girl whom most had feared lost and perhaps never to be recovered, was found apparently unharmed. 

It made me reflect and empathize more deeply than I ever had before on the parable of the lost sheep. Jesus tells the short story of a man who has one hundred sheep but loses one. Rather than write this animal off as the cost of doing of doing business, the shepherd searches and searches till he triumphantly brings the stray home. Jesus concludes with the famous words,

‘I tell you that in the same way there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.’ Luke 15:7.

Jesus spells out very clearly his heart and his priorities. His followers over two millennia have adopted this mission and feel a real rejoicing when any person puts their faith in Christ. For me, it simply reinforced the thought that the real overwhelming joy that I felt when I heard about Cloe Smith is really just a pale reflection the emotion I surely feel about the saving ministry of rescuing lost people with the gospel.

I have written a book about raising resources for ministry in the local church. It is called Giving Generously. One of the points I stressed in the book is that when properly and appropriately done raising money for ministry produces great joy. The reason for this is obvious.  No one gets excited about giving to paint the parish hall or buy a better dishwasher for the church kitchen. But when the object of the ministry is real kingdom work that involves heaven rejoicing as lost sheep are found, then people will give freely and generously and will be surprised by the joy it gives them.

Buy the Book

Cultivate a Joyful Attitude of Generosity In a former article, https://givinggenerously.com/2018/07/  I looked at the fascinating book, ‘The Paradox of Generosity’ by Christian Smith and Hilary Davidson. It showed the extent to which a generous attitude to life counts towards happiness. The key is being open-hearted in general. Just one-off acts won’t cut it. The sort of one-off acts I mean are, for example, giving blood occasionally, or donating once to a forest fire  or an earthquake appeal, or occasionally supporting the Salvos.

These are great to do but according to Smith and Davidson, that sort of giving doesn’t correspond to any blessing. What is needed,  they suggested, is a character that loves generosity that values it and integrates it into your life as a whole.

One of the threads that runs through the New Testament in the bible, is a collection in the form of an offering. The believers in Jerusalem were in famine and the Apostle Paul, who was always concerned for the poor, was gathering together a sum of money to help with famine relief. Now there is a special appeal in the second letter to the Corinthians.

Paul says (and I paraphrase), ‘take up an offering. Get it ready. When I come I want you to hand it over freely and willingly. I don’t want to have to twist your arm. I don’t want to see you groaning. I don’t want to have to hold a gun to your head’. Paul wants it to be a generous gift not a grudging gift.

Notice the two contrasting Gs:  Generous not Grudging.

Here is food for thought and action. Check your heart when there are appeals at church. Never get cranky with ministers for asking. Putting the needs before us is part of their job. You can decide whether you support this appeal or that appeal, but remember it’s good to give and it’s good for ministers to give you the opportunity to give.

St Paul further says

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.  Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. (2 Cur 9:6-7)

 He talks  about sowing and reaping. You get out what you put in. This is precisely the same concept which Jesus spoke about. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:38

They are pretty dumb farmers who complain about a miserable harvest when they hadn’t planted anything!

But Paul emphasizes, ‘not reluctantly or under compulsion’ No one should squeeze your arm. No one should manipulate you. No one should put pressure on you. My wife Helen received a call from a fund raiser that included,

‘Please Helen, Please. We desperately need your help’. Maybe this was an over enthusiastic volunteer but Helen certainly felt manipulated.

I used to say to my congregation in Wollongong,’ if you feel manipulated, don’t give. I want you to give because you love Jesus and you love people and you want to see the message of the gospel going out and transforming people’s lives. That’s the reason to give, not because I am some clever salesman’.

On one occasion I was visitor at a church on the day they were having a special appeal for their new building. They took up the special offering. Then after a couple of songs they took up the regular offering: two offerings in a row.

Then, just as the service was about to close, the senior minister said, ‘I know you have been very generous but as you know once a month we take up a special offering to support our missionaries overseas.  That time of the month just happens to be today. And if we skip our offering they will be in a very hard way, They depend on us’. So the church took up a third offering and no one seemed to blink. They gave again, not grudgingly but freely. Now that’s a generous church with a generous attitude!

For more on resourcing church ministry with the right attitude see my book, Giving Generosly.

The apostle Paul on one occasion urged his hearers to be generous, to share, and to remember those less fortunate. He quoted some famous words of Jesus:

In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ Acts 20:35

‘It is more blessed to give than to receive’ is a very famous saying. You will notice why Paul uses it: so you can bless others.

If you consult the serious bible scholars, they will tell you that what Jesus is saying is that ‘it is better to give than to amass’. It is better to give out than to store up for yourself. It is better to have a giving attitude than a getting attitude. It is better to have a gracious heart than a greedy heart. It is better to be generous than grasping.

This emphasis comes from the word itself. Consider the classic version of the bible, the King James Version, which was translated in 1611, over for hundred years ago and was the standard version in English for three hundred and fifty years. If you do a word search, you won’t find the word ‘generous’ in it. The concept is there but the term they used was ‘liberal’.

A famous generosity verse, Proverbs 11:25, is thus translated: ‘the liberal soul shall be made fat, and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.’

‘Liberal’ in this context doesn’t mean the name of a political party or a progressive movement. The meaning is the same as when we say, ‘he put a liberal amount of tomato sauce on his scrambled eggs’. I do that and my wife Helen hates it. She says,’ you shouldn’t drown the eggs in sauce. It is just not right’.

I hope you get the meaning of ‘liberal’. The reason they didn’t use ‘generous’ in the King James Version is because four to five hundred years ago ‘generous’ didn’t mean what it does today. Back then it meant ‘noble’ such as being a member of the aristocracy, having birth and breeding to the manor born. A ‘generous’ person wasn’t a peasant. So if I described you as generous I would mean you were probably a lord or a lady, and I would doff my cap or curtsey to you.

But as the centuries wore on, 1300 1400 1500 1600 etc., the meaning of ‘generous’ changed from describing your noble birth to describing your noble character. If I call you ‘generous’ today I mean that you’re open hearted, friendly giving of your time, helpful. You will be happy to give to your church and needy causes. That is a wonderful thing.

Despite having written my book Giving Generously I struggle in this area but I would love it if you said, ’Rod. He is just a generous person’. That is something I desire to be. Consider the opposite for a minute. The opposite is miser. I don’t want to be thought a miser. The miser hoards, grasps, doesn’t give, doesn’t share. Misers are not just careful with money but tight, skinflint, cheapskate. I would absolutely hate it if you thought that of me.

Further, the miser is not happy. Did you know our word ‘miserable’ and the ‘word’ miser come from the same basic root? They come from the Latin root that means ‘wretched’.

To add weight to this, social science research indicates that generous people are happier, healthier, have more friends, enjoy more benefits, are more prosperous, and thrive in life. The ungenerous miserly ones are poorer, have less purpose, live for themselves, are sicker, and lonelier.

Jesus knew what he was talking about when he said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive’

So practice generosity. Your giving will be good for you. It will give you great joy. It will bless others but most importantly, it will give God glory.